I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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