i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
