just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
