woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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