tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shame is for Republicans.
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