Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
