Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
