haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
