is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
