haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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