Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
