I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
