My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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