Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
