it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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