Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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