I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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