Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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