So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
