I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
