i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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