The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
