I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
