Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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