I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
