you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
