I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
