I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
