my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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