I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
