don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
someone owes me an orgasm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
