OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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