After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
