Sacagawea was the original milf.
should my penis look like a turkey
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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