im drinking this country out of the recession.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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