lets start a swedish sibling band together
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
