thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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