Got a toothbrush?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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