I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
