Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
