Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's like iHOP with fire
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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