Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
