You smell like stripper and shame
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
