she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
