Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
