Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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