We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
