dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
