Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
