mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
