A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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