i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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