she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
