I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
