wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
