So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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